Keeping Two Autocons In Check
by Kickwarp
Summary: Knock Out and Soundwave may have switched sides, but the 'Con at both of their cores is staying. And, as we all know, 'Cons and 'Bots apparently don't mix very well.
1. Scraplets and LOLcats

_These will take place post-Predacons Rising, located on Cybertron. Soundwave has successfully managed to drag himself out of the Shadowzone, and has joined the Autobots.  
_

_Disclaimer: Kickwarp does not, unfortunately, own Transformers Prime. If she did, then it wouldn't have been finished, and Earth would be under the rule of the mighty Lord Megatron. _

* * *

**Rule 1: Knock Out's quarters and Med-Bay are both to be routinely inspected for dangerous substances and wildlife. **

"Get off me, you confounded piece of slag!"

Wheeljack was walking down to the Rec Room to meet Bulkhead, when he stopped right outside of Knock Out's Med-Bay/Laboratory.

"Don't eat my finish! MY FINISH!"

Stepping closer, the Wrecker put his head to the door, his optic ridges furrowing.

"And I thought you were bad without the Synthetic Energon!"

At those two words, Wheeljack forcibly shoved the door open, to reveal the red medic shaking a Scraplet with bright green eyes off of his servo. Hearing the entrance-way open, he turned his helm, crimson optics widening.

"Uh…I can explain this, Auto—OW!"

The Scraplet bit down hard on his digits, and Knock Out immediately flipped out his buzzsaw, cutting right through it, "You fragging Scraplet! You bit me! You DENTED me!"

Backing out slowly, Wheeljack pressed a finger to his comm, "Ultra Magnus, we may have a small problem."

Knock Out stepped on a Scraplet, crushing it, with a shriek of, "MY FINISH HAS BEEN SCRAPPED!"

"What sort of problem?" came the reply.

"Our mad scientist Autocon has gotten his servos on some Scraplets."

* * *

**Rule 2: Soundwave is to be kept from any computers when unsupervised.**

Soundwave was having severe limitation problems, as he still wasn't completely trusted by any of the Autobots, apart from Knock Out, who still considered himself half a 'Con.

Even after offering to rid himself of his Decepticon symbol, they were still wary.

Flying was restricted; talking to Knock Out alone was restricted. He'd even been assigned a chaperone, a very unhappy Arcee. His quarters were locked whenever he went to recharge, and Laserbeak was to stay with him at all times.

Soundwave was growing very tired of it. He'd tried to prove that he wasn't going to suddenly turn against the Autobots, even by blaring a recording of Megatron screaming 'AUTOBOT!' when Knock Out mentioned, "We're both together as Autocons now." Nothing worked. The clip caused Bulkhead to jump, and Smokescreen let out a femme shriek.

Therefore, Soundwave was ecstatic when Arcee went off to fetch her Energon, leaving him alone near Ratchet's Medical Bay. She'd told him to stay put, just for several minutes. And, oh, did he stay put.

Extending a tentacle, Soundwave easily hacked into the door with minimal difficulty, and walked over to the Autobot's main computer. _Just for a little fun_, he told himself, _nothing serious_.

Quickly downloading a file, he left up several pictures on the screen, and then exited, leaving everything apart from the monitor the same.

Arcee, coming back, was pleased to see that the Master Spy had appeared to have not moved at all. She followed after him, as he headed to the Rec Room. Soundwave was inwardly grinning.

The Autobot medic, after returning from a conversation with Ultra Magnus, entered his Medical Bay, and, after going to his monitor, stared for several moments, his processor starting to ache.

LOLcats filled the screen, with poptart cat gifs mixed among static images of terrible grammar and human animals. After gazing at it in confusion, Ratchet stepped back, and promptly glitched.

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	2. No Chaperone

**Rule 3: Soundwave and Knock Out are not to be alone without a chaperone.**

Soundwave lightly tapped the red mech's helm, as he lay on his side in recharge.

"Go away," Knock Out mumbled, "I'm trying to get some rest."

The spy insistently prodded his midsection with a long digit, causing the medic to sit up suddenly, his optics opening, "Ow! What's happening?"

His optics focused on Soundwave, and he sighed, "What do you want? I'm trying to recharge here."

The spy held up Arcee, who was dangling from his tentacle, seemingly unconscious, and opened his free servo, revealing a syringe.

Knock Out took it in for a moment, "You drugged Arcee?"

Soundwave shrugged.

"Why?"

A recording played of her voice, "_Maybe we should both go to our berths._"

"Where did you get the sedative?"

A picture of Ratchet flashed briefly on his visor.

"Oh." Knock Out slid off his berth, "And I take that everyone else is also in recharge?"

Soundwave kept the image up for a moment longer, and the red medic rolled his optics, "Figures. What should we do with our sedated femme? We don't often get a chance to walk around without her stalking us."

Megatron's voice played, "Locked securely in storage."

Knock Out grinned, "This was worth waking up for."

oOo

The two mechs walked quietly down the long hallway. Knock Out was 'tip-toeing' around, while Soundwave just walked normally.

"What are we doing exactly, Soundwave? I mean, this seems rather pointless all of a sudden."

The Master Spy turned, stopping, and stood there silently, just looking down at the medic. Knock Out fell back flat on his pedes, and stared back, his servo going to his hip as he tilted his helm slightly to the right.

The two former Decepticons stayed there for several minutes, before Knock Out muttered, "You and your silly little pet forced me into this. I'm going back to recharge."

Soundwave watched him go back down the corridor, and clenched his servo. Laserbeak was _not _a pet.

He furiously stalked down the hallway, and threw out a tentacle, literally catching Knock Out by complete surprise, and lifted him into the air.

"Hey, wait! This isn't funny!" the medic shouted, "You'd better put me down before I saw off your tentacle!"

He threateningly subspaced his buzzsaw, and waved it at the silent spy. Soundwave quickly tossed him into the air, and caught him again, this time, by his left pede.

"Stop it!" Knock Out screamed, "I'm going to purge my tanks if you do that!"

The upside-down mech tried kicking with his free leg, and Soundwave, in return, smashed him against the wall.

"Watch the paint and put me down, Soundwave!" the now-dizzy red medic barked, waving his buzzsaw around as he tried to grab the tentacle with his free servo, "The Autobots will not be happy with you in the slightest!"

Laserbeak sent a ping, just as Ratchet walked around the corner. He stopped, surveying the situation for a moment, and then called over, "Where is Arcee?"

"Seriously?" Knock Out yelled, "You aren't going to get me down?!"

His question was short lived, as Soundwave released him with a jerk, causing him to fly across the corridor, and crash into the distant wall, narrowly missing Ratchet. The spy hurriedly turned, and ran down the hallway, disappearing out of sight.

Knock Out furiously stood to his pedes, and shook his servo, "You'd better get back here so I can graciously tear out your tentacles! Oh, Primus, I've got scrapes on my paint…"

Ratchet watched him, and raised an optic ridge, "Where exactly has Arcee gotten to? And I thought you were in recharge."

Knock Out let out a huff, inspecting his fingers, "I was, until he came and woke me up, apparently, just to throw me at the wall several times until my paint was sufficiently damaged."

"Arcee," Ratchet pressed, crossing his arms.

"Oh, _Arcee_. Soundwave drugged her, and locked her in a storage unit. Not me. I didn't lock her in there. I'm just a victim. An _innocent_ victim."

Ratchet let out a sigh, as he went forward, "I suppose he got tired of the rules."

"Well," Knock Out suggested, "Maybe he would be more willing to follow the rules if you gave him more slack. And, perhaps, a bit of flight time."

The old medic scoffed, "Puh-lease."

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	3. Boredom and Ponies

_Note: I will not be doing the thing several people have done, which is Soundwave speaking. He doesn't speak in the show, except for once, when he thought he was going to stay offline, and I'm staying true to that. He may send messages back and forth, but he doesn't actually talk._

_Soundwave is the Epitome of Epic. _

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**Rule 4: Soundwave may go to extreme lengths to represent his love for humans.**

Soundwave was even more unhappy than he had been previously.

He was starting to regret knocking Arcee out.

Apparently, she wasn't strong enough or tall enough to handle him. So, Ultra Magnus handed him right over to Ratchet, which was obviously a punishment.

At least the femme had walked around and actually _done things_. The medic just stayed inside one room constantly, on his computer. Soundwave had only been there for thirty cycles, and he was already completely bored.

The silent spy pushed himself up on the medical berth he was residing on, and glanced over at the medic, before reaching for one of his tools.

"Don't touch, Soundwave." Ratchet commanded, without even turning around. The former 'Con paused, waiting several moments, and then grabbed it. Not two astroseconds later, the Autobot was standing over him, holding out his servo, "I said not to touch."

Soundwave grudgingly handed it over, and watched him walk back over to his computer. He could swear the mech had optics in the back of his head.

After another few cycles, the former Communications Officer stood up, and tapped Ratchet on the shoulder. The medic turned around, and asked gruffly, "What do you want now, Soundwave?"

He showed a picture of a drawing pad, and a writing utensil. The Autobot looked for a moment, "You want to draw?"

Soundwave nodded.

Ratchet sighed, "Fine. I'll find something for you."

After several moments of rummaging around, he came up with a pad, and a pen, handing them over to the spy. Pleased, he returned to the berth, and sat down, starting to carefully sketch out what was on his mind.

Ratchet started to get slightly curious, as to what the former Decepticon was drawing. He could see Soundwave's reflection in one of his lower-tech monitors, sitting on the berth, intently staring down at the pad, making little jerks with his servo.

The Autobot stepped away from his work, and peered down, "What are you doing?"

Instead of the tremendous amounts of death, and destruction he was expecting, little four-legged creatures with bright colors had been drawn. Raising an optic ridge, the medic asked, "What are those supposed to be?"

Soundwave tilted his helm up, and music, as well as a video, started to play.

_'__My Little Pony, My Little Pony…' _

oOo

Ultra Magnus entered the Medical Bay with several reports in his servo. He noticed Soundwave lying on a berth, and pointed over as he handed Ratchet the documents, "Did you bore him into recharge?"

"Apparently so." Ratchet replied grumpily, "After he messed with some of my equipment, and proceeded to draw pictures of Earth animals."

"Earth animals?" Magnus questioned.

"Hmphh. Apparently, Decepticons are more integrated with humans than we are."

"He is no longer a Decepticon. You must accept this. Optimus would have, and you should do the same."

"Once a Decepticon, always a Decepticon." Ratchet muttered.

Soundwave listened silently. He knew the medic had disliked him ever since he'd taken him to the Nemesis. He was just following Megatron's orders, and, apart from Shockwave, and the Seeker sitting in a holding cell down below, the Decepticons were no more.

"Can I see the pictures?"

Soundwave sat up, watching the medic flinch from the sudden movement, and held the pad out. Ultra Magnus took it, and surveyed it for a moment, before hesitantly asking, "What exactly _are_ these?"

_'__My Little Pony, My Little Pony...ah, aah, aah, aah, My Little Pony! I used to wonder what friendship could be…'_

Ratchet held up a servo, and stepped back, "Turn that off."

Soundwave did, a smiley face popping up on his screen, and then motioned inward with his long skinny digits. Magnus handed the pad back, and turned, walking to the door. Ratchet followed, and the two Autobots glanced over at Soundwave, who was back to drawing, his helm tilted down.

Magnus gave Ratchet a look, "Would a Decepticon draw pictures of human media?"

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	4. Bothering Starscream

_What can I say? Starscream wasn't going to stay out of this very long._

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**Rule 5: Knock Out is not to talk with Starscream**

Whistling a little human ditty, the red medic strutted down the row of holding cells, until he came to the last one. Peering through the energy bars, he called, "Hey, Screamy, dear. Guess who's here!"

At the sound of his voice, the Seeker sat up so quickly he fell off his undersized berth, "Knock Out! Is that you?"

"Who else?" Knock Out drawled, a slight grin on his face.

Starscream picked himself up, and ran to the bars, "Have you come to free me?"

"Seriously, Starscream? I'm not exactly on your side anymore. I came to poke fun at your situation. I didn't spend a week putting you back together for _nothing_."

The stiletto-heeled mech stared at him for a moment, and his optic ridges furrowed, "How dare you! When you were locked in the brig when the Autobots took over the Nemesis, did I not come to your rescue?"

"We're both Decepticons in this, sweetspark. Just because I've joined the Autobots does not mean that I'm going to go soft. Oh, how long have I waited for this opportunity. The ability to say anything to you without getting my finish ruined."

"Don't call me sweetspark, Knock Out!"

"Whatever you say, _ma'am_." the red mech grinned.

Starscream clenched his servos, "If I weren't otherwise imprisoned, I would have your paint _and_ your head!"

Knock Out chuckled, tapping his fingers on his chin, "That is my point. I can insult however much I like, and you can't do anything about it. And now that Soundwave has also pledged allegiance to the Autobots, I can show them—"

"Wait, Soundwave has joined the Autobots?!" Starscream's optic ridges shot up, "But I'd thought he'd flown off to some distant galaxy!"

"Oh, not at all. Apparently, the fleshies had gotten him trapped in an alternate dimension called the Shadowzone. After that ordeal, Soundwave knew that the Autobots and their puny human friends were not to be messed with."

"Lord Megatron would be furious," The Seeker glowered, "To learn that his most faithful servant abandoned him."

"But Lord Megatron is no longer." Knock Out quipped, "He banished himself. And that leaves both you and Shockwave as the last two Decepticons in existence. And you're a prisoner, which takes me back to my original goal, dumb-aft; I came here to jeer at you."

Starscream let his shoulders slump as he returned to his berth, "I'm going back to recharge."

Knock Out made a face, "But you have all day and all night to do that. Why not listen to me for a change?"

"I'd rather have nightmares than listen to your verbal abuse, dear _doctor_."

"Hmph. Fine. Then I'll get Soundwave to show the Autobots that_ one_ time."

Starscream turned, "What _one_ time?"

Knock Out crossed his arms, "That one time you thought Megatron was offline, and started dancing and rolling your hips on the bridge."

The Seeker stalked forward suddenly, "How do you know about that?!"

"I saw it on the screen, when Megatron used a cortical psychic patch. I feel sorry for those poor drones, being forced to watch that display."

"Alright! Alright!" Starscream barked in a panic, "Insult me all you want! Just don't show the Autobots!"

Knock Out turned, and started walking down the rows, his smile returning, "Too late, Screamy, dear."

"Don't call me that! I'll have your head!" the enraged Seeker shrieked, and then added, "And your PAINT!"

With that, his cooling fans suddenly turned on, and Starscream glitched, ungracefully falling onto the metal floor of his cell.

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	5. They See Me Rollin'

_Sleep deprivation and sugar. I blame that.  
_

_Kickwarp doesn't own Transformers Prime._

_Or the Internet, sadly enough._

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**Rule 6: Soundwave's music is to be turned down whenever played**

At last, the medic had actually left his silly Medical Bay.

Soundwave had practically glitched, he was so overjoyed.

He'd become so familiar with the Medical Bay, he could make his way around with his hidden optics closed, and not crash into a single thing. Of course, the first few times he had attempted to, Soundwave had ended up flat on his visor. Ratchet had thought he was just being abnormally clumsy, as he didn't look any different from normal.

The spy followed the Autobot out into the corridor, with Laserbeak making one of her little trilling noises—when Soundwave was bored, she was bored, and when Soundwave was happy, she was happy.

The Rec Room wasn't very fair, just down the corridor. As Ratchet and Soundwave entered, the spy veered off, and went to join the four Eradicons in the corner. That medic was going to cause him to give up on life.

Dirk, an Eradicon obsessed with himself almost as much as Knock Out, waved to the silent mech, "Soundwave! We heard that you got in trouble!"

Soundwave shrugged, his visor lighting up as a recording played, "_You'd better get back here so I can graciously tear out your tentacles!_"

Steve giggled, "I know. Knock Out wasn't happy when he couldn't find his buffer. He undid all the work Dirk had done."

Dirk looked down at himself, "I had it just right too. It's ruined, completely. He scratched it…into oblivion…"

The Eradicon's voice began to choke up, and Steve embraced him, "Calm down, everything's okay, it's just a paintjob…we all look the same anyway…"

Soundwave glanced over to the three Autobots watching, with slight amusement, Ratchet, Wheeljack, and Bumblebee. Time to put on a show.

"_It might seem crazy what I'm about to say, sunshine she's here, you can take a break_…"

Dirk's frame shuddered, and he collapsed against Steve. The kind Eradicon looked up at Soundwave, "Don't play that song! You made Dirk glitch! Starscream sang that while throwing him off the Nemesis!"

"_Because I'm happy, clap along if you feel like a room without a roof, because I'm happy, clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth_."

"Not helping, Soundwave!"

"_Clap along if you know what happiness is to you, because I'm happy, clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do_."

Steve's servo quickly sent to the side of his head, as he turned down his audials, "I refuse to listen!"

Soundwave had started to do a little dance. He couldn't stand the song. It was the most annoying thing on both Earth, and Cybertron since Nyan Cat.

"Soundwaaaave…" Steve buried his face in his servos, "I don't wanna be on the Autobots' side anymore…"

Soundwave abruptly cut off the song, and started to play another.

"_They see me rollin', they hatin'. Patrolling, they tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty, tryin' to catch me ridin dirty, tryin' to catch me ridin dirty…_"

The two other Eradicons, Greg and Sky, looked over, pausing their movie.

"I think the Autobot medic has finally driven Soundwave insane." Sky commented, "Or else someone replaced his morning Energon with high-grade."

"_My music so loud, I'm swingin', they hopin' that they gon catch me ridin dirty, tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty, tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty…_"

Greg shook his helm, "No, that's medic-induced insanity. Definitively. It happened with Knock Out once, remember? Soundwave played Taylor Swift for three days straight after a maintenance exam."

"Maybe medics are like drugs to him. He sits there, and gets high off of them."

"No, that can't be it."

"Or their professionalism."

"No, not the professionalism," Greg disagreed, "Knock Out isn't too much of a professional."

Sky shrugged, "What do they both have in common?"

"They're annoying."

"But so was Starscream, and that didn't do anything."

"They're doctors."

"Yes, that's it. He goes insane whenever he's near a medic. That's why he's acting like this."

The two Eradicons high-fived each other, and turned their helms to watch Soundwave dancing in circles.

Over, across the room, Wheeljack and Bumblebee were laughing hysterically, while Ratchet watched with slight amusement showing on his faceplates.

Arcee entered, and stopped, her gaze floating over to the jigging former 'Con.

"What did you do to him, Ratchet?" she asked, turning her helm to him. Ratchet shrugged, "I've done nothing. He just started dancing."

"_Just shoot for the stars if it feels right, and aim for my heart if you feel like._"

Steve had glitched, even with his audials on mute. Just seeing Soundwave act like a total moron was enough for his processor. Sky and Greg, however, were entertained beyond belief. Lord Megatron would have gone into stasis at the sight of his former TIC dancing.

"_With them moves like Jagger, I got the moves like Jagger, I got the moves like Jagger!_"

"Whoever said Soundwave didn't have any emotions was wrong," Bumblebee remarked, "The mech's gone out of his processor with boredom. Maybe we should keep him away from Ratchet."

"_I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL!_"

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_*ahem*_


	6. I Can Dream, Harold

**_'Allo, me lovelies. I apologize for the last chapter. I'm afraid my mind went a bit overboard with that. A bit of a more serious chapter, this one. _**

**_Kickwarp doesn't own Transformers Prime. Nor does she own the world. But she will one day. Mark her words.  
_**

_**Talking in third person is creepy. But Kickwarp doesn't care. She doesn't care anymore. **  
_

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**Rule 7: If Knock Out and Soundwave know of important information, they must tell of it.**

_Ping._

_Ping._

_PING._

_Pingpingping._

Knock Out turned to the door, and shouted, "If I hear that again, Soundwave, I'll destroy your visor!"

There was silence, and then came another teasing _ping._

"I am not going to play a game with you!"

_Pingpingpingpingping._

"SOUNDWAVE!"

_Ping?_

"STOP!"

_Ping!_

Knock Out slammed his buffer down on the table, and stomped to the door, "If you don't leave me alone, I'll take that as an invitation, and use you as a test subject for something!"

"Soundwave," came Ratchet's annoyed tone, "Stop running off like a sparkling."

Knock Out's door burst open and he let out a little shriek of surprise, as Soundwave leapt in.

"I told you to stop bothering me!" he barked, shaking his servo.

In return, Soundwave grabbed the red mech from under the arms, and wound his left tentacle around his neck. In less than two nanokliks.

Ratchet was at the door in record time, and rolled his optics, sighing, "Soundwave, will you just stop?"

"_Freedom is the right of all sentient beings._" Came the recording.

The medic frowned, "I never heard Optimus say that."

"That's from a Michael Bay production," Knock Out quipped helpfully, "And I'm being held hostage here, I believe. The tentacle is rather unnecessary, don't you think?"

"_SHUT UP!_"

"You watch Smosh too? I never knew."

"Ultra Magnus, I need backup." Ratchet muttered over the comm.

"With what?" came the reply.

"Soundwave has taken Knock Out hostage, and is refusing to cooperate with me again."

There was a sigh, "I'll be right there, Ratchet."

Knock Out subspaced his buzzsaw, and Soundwave curled his second tentacle around his arm, "_One more time!_"

"Hey, you can't quote Pinkie Pie at me!"

"_Rainbow!_"

"OR Twilight Sparkle!"

"_I can dream, Harold!_"

Knock Out rolled his optics, "Why have you seen everything I've seen?"

"_That blasted Soundwave sees and hears everything._"

"You knew Starscream said that?"

"—_hears everything._"

"Have you checked my search history?"

"—_sees and hears everything._"

"I bet you didn't see me and Starscream create that Energon-sucking monster." Knock Out remarked smugly, "Or else you would have done something about it. Or told Lord Megatron before he discovered it himself."

"_Well, anything that merits the need for a living petri dish_."

"Scrap…you knew everything…"

"_Though, I must confess, I've always admired your lustrous finish._"

The red medic's optics went wide, "You heard _THAT?!_"

"Energon-sucking monster?" Ratchet asked with a tone of confusion. Knock Out went quiet, his left optic starting to twitch, "Ah…just a little side experiment with Screamer…nothing too serious, really." he kicked Soundwave's leg with a slight glare.

Ultra Magnus stepped beside Ratchet, "Alright, what is going on here?"

Soundwave stepped back, releasing Knock Out, and shoving him forward a little. The attention had been diverted from him.

"Knock Out was talking about something," Ratchet said, frowning, "Something to do with an _experiment_."

"Well, it was nothing," Knock Out extended his servo with a nervous chuckle, "Just typical Decepticon stuff. You know. It's been obliterated, anyhow."

"_Soundwave! I vow that on this day, the world will hear the sound of your screams!_"

"And we unwittingly released Airachnid in the process. Normal day. But Soundwave dealt with her. Right, Soundwave?"

The silent mech shrugged, and up popped a picture of one of Cybertron's moons. Knock Out's shoulders slumped, "Why didn't you put her in a star or something? She can fly!"

Just as Magnus opened his mouth to say something, Soundwave switched to a video, of a security camera overlooking the vault, and stepped forward to show the three.

Reeling back in shock, Knock Out's servos went to his face, "She got infected? Is that what you're trying to say, Soundwave? _Really? Silas infected her?_"

The spy shrugged again, and walked over, obviously satisfied with the relayed information, and stood beside the Ratchet. The two Autobots were silent, before Ratchet started rubbing his helm, "Are you saying that you and Starscream created Terrorcons? Or, what the humans would call, _zombies?_"

"You…could say that." Knock Out mumbled.

"What were you doing? How did you manage _that_ scenario?"

"It was with your incomplete Synthetic Energon formula..." Knock Out's optics brightened, and he suddenly pointed at the medic, "That means it's your fault for creating the formula, and allowing us to get it in the first place! Ha! And it was Starscream's idea for involving the Dark Energon, so, technically, none of this was my fault at all!"

"Dark Energon?" there was a tone of confusion in Ratchet's voice, and then anger, "Were all of you Decepticons out of your processors?! I wouldn't be surprised, considering you were their only medic, and you're completely _insane_!"

"Starscream and Megatron have slight addictions to Dark Energon, I'm afraid…but I was against the idea. Like I said, it was all Starscream's fault." Knock Out insisted, "And I'm not as insane as they are."

"_Dark Energon? You are more than a fool, Starscream. I think your neural cluster has blown a massive fuse!_" Soundwave played helpfully.

"See? And plus, Airachnid probably ran out of Energon up there. We're completely safe."

"_She can fly!_"

"Stop playing my own voice back to me, Soundwave. Nobody has gone missing, so she probably offlined long ago."

Ultra Magnus turned, "We should investigate. I'll go and gather the Wreckers, Bumblebee, Smokescreen, and Arcee on the Nemesis. I'm leaving you in charge of these two troublemakers, Ratchet."

He marched off down the corridor, and Knock Out turned to Soundwave, "You really should have sent her into a star, you know."

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**No exclamation mark this time. I can't be bothered to press the shift key. So I bothered to write all of this down, in replacement of an exclamation mark. My, I am lazy.  
**


	7. Truth Or Dare

_I got bored._

_Thank you, all the lovelies that reviewed/favorited/followed._

_Kicker does not own Transformers Prime._

_She only owns her opinion._

_And this fanfic._

* * *

**Rule 8: Truth or Dare can be mentally unstabilizing, especially if Knock Out is in charge of it.**

"Helloooo," Knock Out drawled, as he entered the Rec Room with his typical one-servo-on-hip stance, "I have a wonderful idea so we can all get to know each other better."

It was evening, and everyone was relaxing. Even Ratchet had gotten bored of being alone with Soundwave, and had joined them.

_Perfect, _the shiny red mech grinned to himself, as he sat down beside Smokescreen at the circular table that everyone was sitting at, on datapads, or talking.

"What are you proposing?" Ultra Magnus asked, a slight tone of wariness in his voice as he looked up from a datapad. Knock Out extended his servo, "Truth or Dare. A human game. Ever played it?"

Ratchet stood up suddenly, putting his datapad down, and walked towards the door, "I need to fetch something. Soundwave, stay put until I return."

The white and orange mech left the door, the door closing behind him. Knock Out shrugged, "Does anyone else want to be a spoilsport?"

"Who goes first?" Bulkhead asked, after a moment of silence. The small red mech held up a servo, "Wait, we have to promise to tell the truth, and do whatever dare we're dared. Alright? Otherwise you're a wimp," he gestured to himself, and turned his helm, "Truth or Dare, Smokey?"

"Dare!" Smokescreen pounded his palm with a clenched servo, "Bring it on!"

"Alright," Knock Out looked up at the ceiling, "Err…I dare you to hug Ratchet when he comes back."

Bumblebee laughed, "And no backing out!"

Smokescreen slumped in his chair, "Why did I have to pick dare?"

Knock Out grinned, as Smokescreen then directed his gaze over to Bumblebee, "Truth or Dare?"

"Uhh…truth."

"Who do you like? As in, like like. Lovey like."

Bumblebee whirred his optics in horror, "I have to say?!" he shrieked.

"Or else you're a wimp," Arcee butted in, with a smile. Knock Out raised his optic ridges, as Bumblebee covered his face with his servos, "It's Arceeeee…"

"Don't worry," Smokescreen patted his shoulder, "We already knew that."

The black and yellow Autobot shot upright, "How?! Who told you?"

Wheeljack shrugged, "I mighta interrogated Soundwave a _little_ bit."

Bumblebee gave him a glare, and then turned to look at Bulkhead, "Truth or Dare?"

"Dare," the green mech said confidently.

"I dare you to steal Knock Out's buffer while he's recharging."

Knock Out's optic ridges arched down, "Don't even think about it." he spat out, "Or you will regret it."

The door opened, and Ratchet came walking in. Before anyone could say anything, Smokescreen bounced to his pedes, and ran over, throwing his arms out, and practically jumping on the medic. Ratchet stumbled back, "Smokescreen! What are you doing?" he barked.

The young mech held on tight for a moment, and then released him, stepping back and grinning. He turned to look at Knock Out triumphantly, "_Not_ a wimp."

Ratchet threw up his servos, "What was that?!" he shouted.

"A dare." Smokescreen answered, returning to his seat, "You're up next, Bulk."

"Truth or Dare, Arcee."

"Tru—no, dare."

"Okay…" the Wrecker pondered for a moment, and then his optics lit up, "I dare you—to ask Bee out!"

"What?!" both the femme and said-mech cried. Knock Out chuckled quietly. What a perfect excuse to get the two together.

Ratchet rolled his optics as he sat in his chair, and crossed his arms, muttering something underneath his breath. Arcee, having chosen to completely ignore the dare, turned to Wheeljack, "Truth or Dare?"

Wheeljack squinted his optics, and smiled a little, "I'm gonna go with dare."

"I dare you to recharge in Knock Out's Med-Bay."

"Laboratory," Knock Out corrected, "Doc 'Bot here is the better medic. I'm just a substitute for when he goes to Earth."

"Ep, ep, ep!" Ratchet held up a servo, "_Nobody_ is recharging in Knock Out's insane storage closet. I will not allow it." He leaned back, "For purely medical reasons. There's no telling what he would do to you."

Knock Out rolled his optics, "Come on. It's not like I would dissect him or something. Starscream got along just fine, and I've _never_ been on the best terms with him. Plus, I can't help that it's a storage closet. It's a big one, at least."

"Starscream's a complete nutjob." Smokescreen butted in, "Like Doc Knock could damage him anymore."

"Not helping, Smokey."

"Your turn, Wheeljack," Arcee reminded him. Wheeljack looked over at Ultra Magnus, and, before he could say anything, the Commander shook his helm, "I'm not playing."

"Seriously?"

"I'd prefer to observe."

"Uh, fine. Soundwave, Truth or Dare?"

The silent mech was still, before a '**2**' appeared on his visor. Wheeljack tilted his helm, "Does that mean dare?"

Nod.

"I dare you to paint Ratchet's faceplates."

Ratchet reeled back, "Like I would let you do that!"

"In his recharge."

"Wheeljack, that isn't fair."

Wheeljack shrugged, "'Cons never play fair."

"_AUTOBOT!_" Soundwave blasted with Megatron.

Smokescreen flinched; Soundwave had already done that before, and the first time had nearly given him a spark attack.

Soundwave pointed at Ratchet, "_Truth or Dare?_" Knock Out's voice played. The medic frowned, "I don't want to be involved in this."

"Doc 'Bot, don't be a party pooper." Knock Out leaned across the table, his servo under his chin, "Be _brave_."

"Yeah!" Bumblebee piped up, "Please?"

He gave Ratchet a wide-eyed puppy dog face, and the medic sighed, "Fine, fine, fine. Truth."

Soundwave sat still and quiet for a moment, before a jumbled mess of recordings from various media played, "_Have you—ever—rebelled against—your leader_?"

Ratchet almost immediately replied, "Several times. I will not go into detail. Now," he turned to look at Knock Out with a small grin, "Your turn. Truth or Dare?"

"Hmm…" Knock Out gazed at the ceiling, before drawling out, "Truuuuuth. I'll go with truth. At least you're getting into the game."

"What did you desire to be when you were a youngling?" the medic's optics were twinkling.

The red mech grinned, "I'm not telling. I started this game with one purpose; to find out things about you all. Not for you to find out things about me. Ha, aren't I the clever one?"

Seven pairs of blue optics stared at him in shock, and Knock Out stood up, "Well, I should be going. I had a lovely time with you all. And if anyone steals my buffer, _I will be furious._"

He jauntily sauntered out of the Rec Room, and there was silence.

Arcee sighed, "Once a 'Con, always a 'Con."

* * *

_Like it? Hate it? Review!_

_*flies majestically into smelting pit*  
_


	8. Sparkling Pictures

_Shorter chapter. Blame Kickwarp. No, don't blame Kickwarp, blame the, uh, the other Kickwarp..._

_Kickwarp, and Kickwarp both don't own Transformers Prime._

_Kickwarp doesn't own her other personality, Kickwarp, no matter how much she tries._

* * *

**Rule 9: Just keep Soundwave away from all and any computers, even if some are barely in working order.**

Soundwave had goaded the medic into letting him use a computer.

It had taken several hours of Soundwave playing sounds of a crying baby to even get Ratchet to consider it, and around a day of sitting on a medical berth playing 'Can't Hold Us' for the orange and white mech to tell him to knock it off. Then Soundwave started poking him, constantly.

The medic tolerated it for around ten minutes, until he broke, and gave the former Decepticon the oldest, most beat-up, out-of-date computer he could find.

The spy sat in the corner with his new source of entertainment, and immediately started to hack his way into the databank records.

Bringing up Ratchet's document, Soundwave went back to the earliest entry, and stared at the picture of the little white-and-orange sparkling, before tilting his head sideways in a slight bit of confusion. How could someone that cute be such a grump as an adult?

Inwardly grinning, the hacker downloaded several pictures of Ratchet as a sparkling, and sent them to each and every Autobot in the Base, excluding Ratchet himself.

Within a moment, he received a reply from Knock Out, '**Cuteness overload. Doc 'Bot is going to throw you into the smelting pool for this.**'

Saving the file to his second processor, Soundwave went back to the list of active Autobots, and downloaded those documents, as well as some additional ones of particular Decepticons. For blackmail purposes, mostly, and for the sake of constantly staring at their sparkling pictures.

A minute later, Ratchet came over to Soundwave, and motioned for him, "Arcee sent me a comm. Smokescreen has glitched in the Recreation Room."

Setting his computer aside gently, the spy stood up, and followed the medic out. He had a very good idea of why that had happened.

Knock Out was hanging around outside of the Medical Bay, his arms crossed. He followed Soundwave, and the spy lagged a bit behind Ratchet, to walk beside him. The red mech grinned, "He's not going to be happy when he finds out just why Smokey glitched."

Soundwave nodded.

"He's going to be absolutely furious. As in, Megatron-type furious. He probably won't hesitate to give you a good bang over the helm for that."

Soundwave accessed one of his new files, and a picture popped up. He turned to face Knock Out, allowing him to stare for a moment. Then he grinned, "Who would be frightened of our former Lord after seeing _that_?"

_Click._

"Is that _Shockwave_?"

Soundwave turned into the Rec Room, after Ratchet. The medic was already kneeling beside Smokescreen's frame, and doing scans.

"_This is going to be juicy._" Soundwave played. Knock Out grinned, arching his optic ridges down, "How very right you are, Soundwave."

"What was he doing before he glitched?" the medic asked, looking up. Arcee shrugged, "He just started laughing, and fell over."

"Is there any reason why he would be laughing?"

She, Bumblebee, and Wheeljack exchanged nervous looks, "Err…well..."

"Wah!" the blue and yellow Autobot came awake suddenly, and the first thing he saw was Ratchet's face. After a moment, he dissolved into little giggles, which earned a slightly concerned look from the medic, "Are you alright, Smokescreen?"

"You used to be so cute!" Smokescreen gasped out, "I can't believe it! Hahaha!"

"What?" Ratchet stood up, and eyed them all suspiciously, "Is there something going on that I don't know about?"

Knock Out extended a servo, "We all received an anonymous message, along with several pictures of you when you were a sparkling."

Ratchet turned around, "Pictures of _ME_? As a _SPARKLING_?!"

Knock Out pointed at Soundwave, "It was him! I had nothing to do with it!"

Soundwave shrugged, stepping back nervously. Perhaps this had been a bad decision.

"You were kind of…cute." Bee admitted, "You know?"

Ratchet folded his arms, and stared straight at Soundwave for a moment, before asking in a rather annoyed tone, "Where exactly did you get those photographs? I checked that computer to make sure the databanks were virtually inaccessible."

"Are you forgetting something?" Knock Out gestured, "Soundwave is an expert hacker, the best on both Earth and Cybertron. Why do you think he was Megatron's Communications Officer?"

"The databanks weren't even _on _the computer."

Soundwave played a recording of his own voice, "_Soundwave: Superior_." And then turned, running out of the room.

Best to hide in a storage closet while the medic was angry

* * *

_So, my explanation for this is simple: I got up to make some iced tea at around two in the morning, I opened the fridge, this idea hit me, and I, uh, died. _

_Review if you like. Review if you hate._


	9. Paintbrushes and Soundwave

**Went to Walmart today.**

** I guess the heat got to me, cuz this popped into mind.**

**Kickwarp doesn't own Transformers Prime.**

**She does own a container of iced tea mix, though.**

* * *

**Rule 10: Starting a feud can be processor-damaging.  
**

Locked in his quarters.

When was this preposterous slag going to end?

Soundwave, out of complete boredom, was flicking through his recent memory drives, wondering if he should start a full-blown feud with Ratchet.

_"__I dare you to paint Ratchet's faceplates."_

Perfect.

The silent mech slid off his berth, and went to the door. There was a keypad for locking the door from the inside, and it was, most undoubtedly, linked to the one on the outside.

Reaching over with his servo, Soundwave did a little tinkering, entering several override codes, and the door slid open.

Great.

Stepping out quietly, he turned his helm both ways to make sure nobody was around, and extended a tentacle toward the ceiling, near a security camera. Nobody seemed to be about, at the time at night. Hopefully, the ever-busy medic would be recharging.

Freezing every camera over the Base, Soundwave started to head down to Knock Out's laboratory. It was well-known that the vain medic kept nearly every shade of every color in one of the wall-safes, as well as various types of brushes.

Already with an idea in mind, he hacked into the door, went to the safe, and collected several colors, along with around ten different brushes, and left.

Laserbeak sent him a fearful ping, afraid of being caught and disciplined. Soundwave gave her a small pat, sending her reassuring messages. Nobody would be visiting Ratchet at this hour.

Stopping at the Medical Bay door, the Master Spy set down the several containers of paint, and put in the release code. It hadn't been difficult to get the numbers after being stuck in there all the time.

Quickly rushing in, Soundwave went to the drawer that he knew held the anesthetics, and the sedatives, and unlocked it, with a click. It would be better if Ratchet didn't wake up in the middle of his little _makeover_.

Laserbeak sent an urgent ping, and Soundwave turned his helm. Nobody was there.

_Overreaction, Laserbeak. Everything is fine._

Locking the drawer, he crept out of the Medical Bay, and picked up the paint, continuing to Ratchet's quarters. He was nearly jumping in anticipation. Revenge tactics would always be one of his better qualities.

Soundwave quietly slid the door to Ratchet's room open, peering in. The lights were off, and he could hear the sound of Ratchet's vents, circulating gently.

Brilliant.

Walking over, as silently as he could, Soundwave stood over the medic's sleeping form, and extended an anesthetic, bringing to his arm, and injecting it into a fuel line.

Laserbeak trilled nervously, as Ratchet let out a sigh in his recharge, and went completely limp on his berth. Soundwave grinned internally, setting the paint and the brushes on his berth. He went over to the light, and switched it on, marching back on over.

But why paint his faceplates if he could paint his entire frame?

Swiftly, and diligently, Soundwave began to do his work.

* * *

Ratchet did not make a habit of looking at himself in the mirror every time he got up.

Perhaps he should have.

Awakened by raucous yelling, and heavy steps that he recognized to be Bulkhead's, Ratchet sat up, and swung his legs over the edge of his berth, his optics narrowed in annoyance.

Stalking to the door, he opened it, and shouted into the corridor, "You woke me up!"

Bulkhead came running by, "Tell Smokescreen to stop it!"

Smokescreen came dancing behind him, holding an offline Scraplet in his servo, "I'm gonna getcha!"

Then he froze, as did Bulkhead, and they both stared at the medic. Ratchet put his servos on his hips, his optics ridges furrowed, "Why are you both looking at me like that? Can't a mech get some recharge without you two making a ruckus?"

Smokescreen drew in beside Bulkhead, and put a pained smile on his face, "Uh, no offense, Doc, buuuuuut you look like a Barbie."

"Wha-a-at?" Ratchet said disbelievingly, glancing down at himself. A look of horror passed over his now tan-skin faceplates, complete with blonde hair on his helm. A pink paint-bikini had also been applied, with purple polka-dots.

The medic quivered, and that was when Bulkhead and Smokescreen both burst out laughing.

"Well, I guess Soundwave took Wheeljack's dare seriously!" Smokescreen was now leaning against the wall, holding his chassis, "TOO seriously! Hahaha! I never thought he was actually going to do it! Heeheehee!"

Bulkhead was on the floor, practically glitching out of mirth as he struggled to take in Ratchet's appearance.

Ratchet clenched his servos, and furiously stomped down the corridor, a frown dominating his 'new' face.

"SOUNDWAVE!"

* * *

_Like it? Hate it? Review!_

_I suppose this is the start of a feud between Soundwave and Ratchet._

_I should have fun with this._


	10. Bad Ideas

_I have returned!_

_*cue crickets chirping*_

_Awww..._

* * *

**Rule 11: Suggesting a movie night is inadvisable.  
**

Knock Out waltzed into the Recreation Room, his red optics glimmering with delight, "Guess what? I have come up with a foolproof idea!"

The only 'Bots not present were Ultra Magnus, Arcee, and Wheeljack, who were off on a scouting mission. Soundwave had been adamant on leaving the Med Bay, and being aware that annoying the spy had rather unlucky side effects, Ratchet had been forced to come along.

Wary blue optics eyed him suspiciously, and the red mech put a servo over his spark chamber, "Now, last time may not have turned out so well, due to my little, ahem, _lie_, but this time holds potential. We're going to watch a movie."

Ratchet brought as servo to his faceplates, and sighed, shaking his helm, "First question; where are you going to get them from?"

Knock Out gestured to Soundwave, who was currently sulking, and reading a data pad after not being allowed computer access, "Soundwave has vast quantities of illegal downloads on his drives. Probably managed to download the entire Internet, if I'm not mistaken."

"_I like trains._"

"So, I'm making the first suggestion. The Human Centipede."

Bumblebee's optics grew wider, "Really? That's the first movie you think of?"

"Oooh! Oooh!" Smokescreen excitedly raised his servo, "Fast and Furious!"

Knock Out dismissed him with a wave, "Nah, everyone has seen that. What about science fiction, or at least something interesting?"

"Alien," Bumblebee spoke up again, "Ever watched that?"

The medic glared, "What do you think I am? Of course I've seen it! And the rest of the franchise!" he folded his arms, looking up in disgust, "They just got worse and worse."

"Does it have to be a movie?" all optics turned to Bulkhead.

"I said we're going to watch a movie!" Knock Out dramatically threw his arms out, "A _good _movie with _action_! What don't you understand about this?"

"Despicable Me."

Everyone looked at Ratchet, optic ridges raised. He huffed defensively, "What? Miko made me watch it. And I _may_ have enjoyed it a little bit."

"The Hobbit!" Smokescreen was back with another suggestion, "Or the Lord of the Rings!" he added.

Knock Out scoffed, "I am not wasting my time on _one_ production that is complete and utter _slag_."

"I only have TV shows." Bulkhead mumbled, "Like the Walking Dead."

"Toy Story." Bumblebee said.

"NOT a sparkling movie!"

"Are you going to shoot down every suggestion they make?" Ratchet asked, standing up, "Because I've abandoned the idea of this turning out well. Come along, Soundwave."

Soundwave shook his helm, right as Knock Out protested, "Hey, we need Soundwave if we're going to watch anything!"

"I don't care." Ratchet tugged on Soundwave's flimsy-looking arm, "Get up!"

"This isn't fair." Knock Out bristled, as his crimson optics narrowed in a glare, "Where will we get the movies from?"

Soundwave adamantly refused to move. He just hoped that his arm wouldn't come off. At least he wasn't Starscream, and didn't have to have his limbs replaced every time he talked to someone.

"Soundwave, I will not tell you again." Ratchet's voice was tinged with annoyance.

The spy pretended to ignore the medic, and looked down at Laserbeak affectionately. He was NOT going back to the Medical Bay. It was driving him insane.

"You're going to end up pulling his arm off," Knock Out remarked with a smirk. Everyone else was silent; they wanted to see how this showdown turned out.

Ratchet furrowed his optic ridges, "I mean it, Soundwave. And I probably will detach your limb if you don't cooperate." He clenched tighter.

"_I knew you were trouble when you walked innnn…"_

Knock Out rolled his optics, "We should hurry up and choose a movie before Doc 'Bot here drags away our source to his cave of despair."

"Wreck-It Ralph."

"Not a child's movie, _Insect_."

"I'm not called Insect."

"Tell that to someone that cares. We aren't watching Wreck-It Ralph."

"Raf likes it."

The former 'Con sighed, bringing a servo to his faceplates in exasperation, "Soundwave, download the first two seasons of the Walking Dead."

Soundwave was otherwise occupied at the moment, struggling to stay seated without having his limb torn off.

"The Walking Dead sucks," Smokescreen pouted. Knock Out gave him a glare, "You were the one that suggested an overrated franchise in the first place!"

"The Walking Dead is way more overrated!"

"No, it is not!"

"The X-Files," Bulkhead barraged into the conversation.

Bumblebee folded his arms, "Nobody here likes the X-Files apart from you and Miko, Bulk. Why not Despicable Me, like Ratchet said?"

"I've seen Despicable Me already," Smokescreen piped up, "Around five million times."

"What about the sequel?"

There was silence for a moment, and Knock Out shook his helm, "You Autobots baffle me with your choices of entertainment."

Soundwave and Ratchet were locked in a tug-of-war, with Soundwave's arm in the middle. The silent mech was playing random songs that came to mind, much to the medic's annoyance as he tried to force him off his seat.

"_Swing your partner round and round. End of the night, it's going down. One more shot, another round, end of the night, it's going down…_"

Ratchet let him go, and subspaced a wrench, "Do you want to take it to the extremities?"

Soundwave abruptly switched off the music, and stood up. But before anything else could be said or done, he grabbed the wrench out of the medic's servo, and snapped it in half.

Ratchet gazed in bewilderment at the pieces as Soundwave handed them back. The spy caressed Laserbeak gently, waiting for the inevitable shout of rage.

The silence was broken by Knock Out's loud harrumph, "Fine! I'll go and watch horror films all by myself! I've had enough of bonding time!"

His expression was lowered as he stalked out of the room.

"_I feel like a monster!_" Soundwave helpfully turned his music back on.

_Clang!_

Ratchet stood over the fallen mech, tapping a larger wrench against his palm, "I suppose I'll have to drag you."

He put it away, and started to pull Soundwave across to the door.

Silence.

Two Eradicons came in right as the medic was heading out the door. They stepped aside and glanced at each other in confusion.

"Think Soundwave got too high this time?"

"Yeah."

* * *

_Like it? Hate it? Review!_

_Can't believe how long it took me to get around to writing this._

_I think my brain has partially melted.  
_

_I'M A ZOMBIE!_


	11. Music and Storage Closets

_It is official. Kickwarp is a nutcase._

* * *

**Rule 12: Soundwave's system is very sensitive. Do not damage it.**

Contrary to popular belief, Soundwave did not get 'high' of off medics.

The only reason he'd played Taylor Swift after going to see Knock Out that one time was because the silly mech had accidentally sucker-punched him off the berth, and caused him to hit his helm. Apparently, being ambushed with a wrench had the same effects.

_Yeah, they like the way I do this! When I crank it like a chainsaw! _

He never, ever wanted to hear the word 'chainsaw' again.

The last incident hadn't been so bad, because everyone could hear it, and it had been _all_ the albums. This time, it was playing internally, on the same song. And it was causing Soundwave to believe that he was completely losing his mind this time.

Ratchet thought he was overreacting about the entire wrench incident. He apparently thought it was normal for Soundwave to sit while occasionally hitting his helm sharply against the wall.

_Crank it, crank it, back, back!_

Never again.

'**Hey, Soundwave?**'

It was Knock Out, messaging him again.

'**Can you groundbridge me into Doc 'Bot's Medical ****Bay? I'm playing hide and go seek with Smokey, and need to hide where he doesn't dare venture. He refused to race me, and this is his punishment. Knows I would win, anyhow.**'

Whatever. Anything to annoy Ratchet after causing the infuriating song to play.

The medic turned, as Soundwave opened a groundbridge, and held up a single finger, "Ep, ep, ep! What do you think you are doing, Soundwave?"

Knock Out quickly leapt through, and it closed. He glanced around briefly, before tiptoeing on his pedes to the storage closet that held Ratchet's medical supplies. He opened the door, stepped in, and closed it.

Soundwave shrugged.

Ratchet brought a servo up to his faceplates, and shook his helm, "I wish we'd know Decepticons acted like sparklings before."

_Now hear me roar! I'm an apex predator, from the sycamores, let's get skeletor! Chainsaw, chainsaw! Watch and learn, watch and learn! Get that thang crankin', yeah, slash, slash, burn!_

Soundwave decided that, in the future, he was deleting all of his playlists, especially those with annoying songs on them.

After a while, Knock Out peeked out from the storage closet, and whispered, "Has Smokey come by yet?"

Soundwave shook his helm. The red medic grinned slyly, and retreated back into his den of darkness, with an ominous drawl, "Gooooood."

Ratchet scoffed.

Then came a knock at the door, and Smokescreen's voice, "Hey, Ratch, have you seen my 'Con buddy anywhere?"

Ultimately deciding that he couldn't bother with Knock Out holding a grudge against him, Ratchet called, "No, I have not! And I hope I don't, anytime soon!"

"Ugh. Okay, this is a really intense game of _boredom_…" Smokescreen's voice trailed off as he walked away.

Soundwave rested his helm in a servo, wishing desperately that his music would cut out soon, before he lost his processor.

It did.

Confused, he jerked his head up, looking around. He tapped his knee with a long thin digit to make sure his audials hadn't quit on him. No. The music was gone.

_You know you love me, I know you care. Just shout whenever, and I'll be there. You are my love, you are my heart. And we will never ever, ever be apart._

No. No. PRIMUS SLAGGING NO! WHAT PLAYLIST WAS THAT ON?!

The spy slid from the berth, and started to bash his helm repeatedly on the floor. He was NOT listening to that musical abomination! NEVER!

Knock Out opened the door to the closet, with raised optic ridges, "Soundwave, what are you doing?"

Ratchet rolled his optics, and ignored them, moving closer to his monitor than necessary.

"Haha! I knew it!" came Smokescreen's triumphant cry from the other side of the door, "Ratchet! Let me in so I can throttle that cheat!"

Knock Out narrowed his optics, and closed the door again, his words muffled, "I'm obviously _not_ here, as you can plainly _not _see."

"I'm busy, Smokescreen!" Ratchet shouted loudly, "In fact, if you all leave me alone, I'll actually be able to get some work done!"

"What work?" Knock Out sounded amused, from his storage closet, "With all the time you spend in this boring cave of yours, I'm surprised you have any work left."

"LEMME IN!" Smokescreen pounded on the door with his fists.

Amidst the sound of Justin Bieber blaring in his processor, Soundwave had an idea. He stopped hitting his head against the metal floor, stood up, went to the door, and opened it, rather very suddenly.

Smokescreen fell in, and accidentally punched Soundwave right in the helm. The spy stepped back, before falling over, in stasis.

Ratchet groaned, burying his face in his arms, "I can't believe this."

Smokescreen looked around, after standing up, "Where is Knocks hiding?"

Ratchet pointed at the storage closet, still covering his face. The sports car walked over to the storage closet, and was about to open it when Knock Out barged out, backflipped into vehicle mode, and peeled out, swerving through the doorway, and accidentally driving over unconscious Soundwave in the process, "Catch me if you can!"

Ratchet sighed, as Smokescreen rushed out. He went over to close the door, and glanced down at Soundwave.

"If this is what you do in your spare time, I dread to think what Megatron did."

* * *

_Like it? Hate it? Review!_

_Oh, and the 'Chainsaw' song is by Family Force 5, and you can guess what the second one is._

_No offense to any Bieber fans._


	12. Unicron's Cats

_Soundwave's views of cats do not, by any means, represent my own.  
_

_Kickwarp doesn't own Transformers...if she did, Bumblebee would have come back a zombie reanimated by Dark Energon, and Optimus would have been forced to kill him._

_And then there would have been giant plot-holes everywhere and that is why Kickwarp is not a script writer._

* * *

**Rule 13: When tired, Soundwave's illustrations may be slightly disturbing.**

Soundwave stared listlessly at the blank page, as he contemplated on what to draw. His sight was slightly fuzzy with exhaustion, and the Medical Bay was silent. He tugged at the stasis cuff, attached to the berth, that Ratchet had clipped onto his arm ("To make sure you don't get in trouble," the Autobot had said) and sadly wished that he was able to use his tentacles to get to Ratchet's computer. Drawing was very boring after the first few hours.

That said, his mind started to wander to the two new arrivals that had come to Cybertron. Ironhide and Rung were their designations. Soundwave had very nearly received a cannon blast from the red bot, Ironhide ("That faceless slaggin' 'Con!") and therefore been completely confined to the Medical Bay.

It wasn't fair.

But the orange one (what was his name again?) seemed okay with him. Nevertheless, with the optic glasses, Soundwave felt uncomfortable with him around.

Quietly, the former Decepticon stood up, and started insistently pulling at the stasis cuff He was getting this thing off, and doing something interesting. The blasted Autobots thought he was stupid—far from it.

_Aaaaaand_ it did not want to come off.

Soundwave clenched his hand in frustration. Recharging with that trigger-happy nutcase of a red Autobot around was not happening. His drawings of ponies were on the brink of looking like the art of someone mentally unstable, and he refused to sit there, wallowing in boredom.

And if that wasn't enough, the stasis cuff was preventing him from using his tentacles, opening groundbridges, and deploying Laserbeak. It was stupidly simple, and stupidly horrible.

Soundwave sat down again, and rested his head on his hand. He glanced back at the drawing pad, and picked it up. Might as well do something.

And a minute later, he was suddenly jolted out of his sleepy haze, staring in horror at the sketch.

A cat. He'd drawn a cat. A very badly-drawn cat, but still a cat.

Those terrifying, Pit-spawned demonic entities of Unicron…

Soundwave found himself coloring it in next, albeit very badly as well. The optics were purple, the body was Energon blue…he even added some purple highlights.

Great. So bored he'd resorted to drawing these devils. Drawing them so terribly it hurt his optic sensors.

_Kill it with fire._

And with a final scribble, he wrote 'Unicron' above it, and threw the pad on the floor. Soundwave was not drawing anymore today. It had long gone past the 'creepy' mark, and was now dwelling in the 'completely and utterly terrifying realm of insanity'.

He hated cats with a passion. His carrier had told him it was because a cyber-cat had attacked him at a young age. Soundwave knew it was because they were monsters, fooling everyone with their impossibly cute charade.

He kicked the pad across the room, listening as it hit Ratchet's console with a clang. Soundwave was still for a moment, and then a thought hit him. He couldn't just leave that drawing out in the open.

_SCRAP._

The silent mech leapt to his pedes, and started to frantically tug at the stasis cuff again. He wasn't going to let the Autobots see that picture!

What a wonderful time for Autobot technology to be so resilient…

Soundwave shook his arm, and pried at the cuff—it was doing its job very well. Horribly well. _Unfairly_ well.

Why couldn't it be a normal stasis cuff? One that didn't suspend his subroutines? Oh, yes. His recent tendencies to make trouble.

And _why the frag_ had he been inclined to draw that piece of scrap?

Soundwave was a strong mech, but even he didn't have to strength to rip a rail off of a berth.

He briefly contemplated sending an SOS to Knock Out, but decided that would invite a parade of Autobots in to see what the problem was. That would be even worse.

And there was a knock on the door.

Soundwave froze, unsure of what to do.

"Ratchet? Are you in there?"

A quieter voice Soundwave recognized as the new orange Autobot. What was his name again? Ring? Rong? Rang? …oh, yes. Rung.

He hoped that Rung would go away. At least until he had that pad destroyed. _Nobody_ was seeing that monstrosity. Pit, it had nearly fried _his_ processor, and he was a Cybertronian that had seen more gore, horror, and spark-clenching sights than most Autobots and Decepticons in his time.

"Ratchet?"

_Go away…go away…go away…_

And there was the sound of the code being input on the other side of the door. Soundwave covered his visor with his uncuffed right hand, tapping his digits against his helm in frustration. He was _never _going to live this down. He would forever be dubbed 'The 'Con Who's Terrified of Cats' by at least _one _Autobot. He _wasn't_ terrified of cats…just _wary_ of them.

The door opened, and the orange Autobot peered in. Soundwave was fascinated by the glasses, and slightly creeped out by them too.

"Is Ratchet in here?" Rung asked, looking over at him. Soundwave shook his helm, desperately hoping that the drawing would slide by unnoticed. He knew for a fact that Ratchet would merely scoff, hand it back to him, and leave it, but he didn't know this Autobot. He sounded nice enough…

And his spark sank as the orange Autobot stepped in, looking around. He smiled, "How are you today?"

_Much too friendly..._

Did he really expect Soundwave to answer that?

Hoping to distract him, Soundwave shrugged as well as he could with the stasis cuff on.

_Please ignore the pad…ignore…ignore…_

Rung looked down, noticing the drawing pad, and knelt to pick it up.

Soundwave hit his visor, and then stared as the orange mech quickly scanned the illustration, quietly murmuring "Unicron…"

He turned to Soundwave, and held it out, "Is this yours, by any chance?"

Soundwave shrugged sheepishly, and extended his arm, gesturing with his fingers. As soon as the drawing was handed over, he dropped the pad on the floor, and stepped on it, crushing the screen.

He was never drawing another cat in his life.

* * *

_Like it? Hate it? Review!_

_Heyyyy, loooook...I introduced two more characters from difference Universes..._

_...yayyyy..._

_Ironhide is based off of his G1 personality._

_Rung is from the 'More Than Meets The Eye' comic._

_There's only one Rung..._

_how sad_


End file.
